Blue as Deep as Black

What's imperative is that I function. That for the hours that everyone's up and running, I need to run along. So I laugh, because some jokes are funny. They really are. And I smile, because everyone else does.

But at night, when I'm alone, the sadness creeps in. Jokes aren't enough. I don't have to function anymore, and I can't, so it's just me and the blue as deep as black coming from all over all at once.

I don't want to drag anyone else into this, so let's not talk about it. Don't feel bad for me, I don't want to ruin your day. Keep calm. Carry on. Move along. I hate drama, I don't want to be dramatic.

I'm calling myself out as overly dramatic, and craving for attention. Yeah, it'll be easier to define this as a simple need for an audience. That this isn't real, this is just being self-centred. So, let's not talk about it. This isn't real. There are bigger problems to deal with. This isn't real.

Sometimes, I just want to close my eyes and never open them again.