I was hanging out with a friend the other day when he decided to pop the question: At your age, when are you planning to settle down?
It's not exactly the question one asks one's self. My first reply was: "What do you mean 'at my age'?"
Friend: Oh, you know. Your age.
Me: I'm 28. And only because there's a biding certificate my mom and my dad signed 28 years ago that says I was born that year. What does that have anything to do with settling down? And, also: What the fuck?
Friend: I mean, aren't you supposed to be in a stable relationship now? Like, you already have a good job. And that's like what's missing in your life.
Me: Missing?
Friend: Yeah! Don't you feel like...
Me: ....hitting you right now? Yes.
Friend: ...you need an inspiration or something?
Me: I'm pretty much inspired, thank you very much.
Friend: So, is there, like, someone that's inspiring you?
Me: I'm inspired by my ambition.
Friend: That's sad.
Me: No. Not really. What's sad is you thinking you need someone else to be inspired. I, on the other hand, am inspired to be great, every single day, because I'm ambitious. I'm not content with what I have. I have dreams to pursue. I have awards to win. I want to be so fucking rich someday, I go on a yacht to write my novels.
Friend: But don't you think like you'll be so much more if you have somebody to share your life with?
Me: I already have what I need in life to succeed. I have talent, I have ambition. I won't get anymore talented than I am now just because I enter a relationship. I'm actually less productive when I'm in a relationship. Right now, I have all the time in the world to work on my projects, to go to the gym and work out. I get to spend a lot of time improving my skills without worrying about anyone else. Being in a relationship just takes too much from me. Takes too much of my time, takes too much of my money. Time going on a date or spending it as "quality time" with a partner is time I'm wasting; I could be reading a good book, or working on a new novel, or pumping iron at the gym.
Friend: But you're incomplete.
Me: Look at us. You say life's incomplete without someone to share it with so you'll be looking for that person your whole life until you find one. You'll be meeting people, you'll be betting on them to be "The One". You might find The One, or you might just stick with one who'll stick around long enough until one of you dies. When your plan doesn't push through, you'll look for Another One. NOW, look at ME. I don't need anyone to make me feel like a person. I can buy the things I need, I can do the things I want to do at my own time. I pursue my dreams with relentless passion, I don't depend on anyone to make me feel inspired and creative. Now look at you again. Now look at me again. Who's incomplete now?
Friend: I don't know. I guess I just don't want to be alone. Aren't you thinking of your future?
Me: You're stressing yourself about finding someone to spend your future with. I, on the other hand, am enjoying the present. Both of us can die tomorrow. The difference is I got to spend my last day on Earth enjoying the moment, while you were too busy looking for someone to complete you.
Friend: I hate you. You'll be all alone in a home for the elderly. You'll have no one to take care of you when you're old.
Me: You think those people don't have families? Newsflash: people who are in homes for the elderly have families too. Once in their lives they found "The One", they had kids. Guess who's paying for their monthly dues? That's right. The kids they raised together so they wouldn't be alone when they grow old. Too much for planning, huh?
Friend: Whatever. I still believe that there's someone meant for us.
Me: Do you know how many people there are in the world? Do you know that what you just said is the dumbest thing ever spoken by anyone, and the fact that people keep saying it all over the world is just so dumb? There are billions of humans on this planet, and to say you were meant to be with someone goes against the fact that there are an infinite number of possible pairing up. That's just a dumb hope people cling to because they're afraid of being called whores. You think someone's meant for you when they pass YOUR standards. That's not destiny, that's just YOU conditioning yourself to think that you are with someone that the universe has created for you. That's called conceit, my friend. If there's destiny, if there's pre-determined pairing, then you shouldn't find anyone more acceptable than others. Whether that person is a Bombay slumdog, a Chinese heiress, an Afghan rebel, the Sultan of Bruneii, a newborn kid.
Me: Being with someone shouldn't be a matter of requirement or necessity, but of choice. If I want to settle down with someone, I will. Not because I have to, not because I need to. But because I want at that particular time. I don't want forever with someone, that would be too boring. I just want 'for some time'. Yeah, that's good enough.
Me: And there shouldn't be an 'age' for deciding that. You know, I was 21 once, I'm 28 now, and I'll be 35 in a couple of years. I know things that 21 yo me didn't, and I haven't learned all the things that 35 yo me would know. Who's to say which version of me knows what he wants? I think 35 year old me is better suited for settling down and getting into a relationship. Should I wait until then?
Me: I really think you're dumb. About all these things you're worried about.
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