I Am a Filthy Bacon Hoe

I've been struggling with obesity for the longest time, and I'm not just talking about fat people getting in my way. I'm talking about being overweight, having a BMI of more than 25. It's an actual condition that incapacitates me from achieving my dreams, and it's a hurdle that I need to overcome to reach happiness.

I've always wanted to go on a diet. To have that discipline of inflicting famine upon myself. It would be wonderful if I have the willpower to stay famished. After all, didn't Steve Jobs himself advised us on the virtue of staying hungry?

Anyway, I've been dreaming of having washboard abs for the longest time now, and I keep making excuses. Like, I'm too tired from work to push myself hard in the gym, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is hard: I'm fat because I'm a voracious eater.

So, since yesterday, I made a pact with myself to watch what I eat. I need to monitor my caloric intake, and be conscious of my consumption.

But this morning, after working out at the gym, I felt a compulsion so strong that it defeated me, and I succumbed to it.

My mind's eye pictured this: BACON, laying on top of SPAM, while CHEESE melted on them. It's the UNHOLY TRINITY OF BREAKFAST, and it was waiting for me a couple of yards away at the nearby Burger King.

BACON. SPAM. CHEESE. For breakfast. How could anything go wrong? It's the perfect way to start the day.

And it means I'll be taking a thousand crunches back from my goal.

It's sad, this feeling of defeat. This dirty feeling of weakness. This shame for submission to a force stronger than my own will. I am conquered by Bacon, owned by Spam, enslaved by Cheese. I am a loyal subject of the Burger King. It makes me feel less of a warrior, and more of a... a filthy bacon whore.

I need professional help from this addiction.