I Am a Filthy Bacon Hoe

I've been struggling with obesity for the longest time, and I'm not just talking about fat people getting in my way. I'm talking about being overweight, having a BMI of more than 25. It's an actual condition that incapacitates me from achieving my dreams, and it's a hurdle that I need to overcome to reach happiness.

I've always wanted to go on a diet. To have that discipline of inflicting famine upon myself. It would be wonderful if I have the willpower to stay famished. After all, didn't Steve Jobs himself advised us on the virtue of staying hungry?

Anyway, I've been dreaming of having washboard abs for the longest time now, and I keep making excuses. Like, I'm too tired from work to push myself hard in the gym, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is hard: I'm fat because I'm a voracious eater.

So, since yesterday, I made a pact with myself to watch what I eat. I need to monitor my caloric intake, and be conscious of my consumption.

But this morning, after working out at the gym, I felt a compulsion so strong that it defeated me, and I succumbed to it.

My mind's eye pictured this: BACON, laying on top of SPAM, while CHEESE melted on them. It's the UNHOLY TRINITY OF BREAKFAST, and it was waiting for me a couple of yards away at the nearby Burger King.

BACON. SPAM. CHEESE. For breakfast. How could anything go wrong? It's the perfect way to start the day.

And it means I'll be taking a thousand crunches back from my goal.

It's sad, this feeling of defeat. This dirty feeling of weakness. This shame for submission to a force stronger than my own will. I am conquered by Bacon, owned by Spam, enslaved by Cheese. I am a loyal subject of the Burger King. It makes me feel less of a warrior, and more of a... a filthy bacon whore.

I need professional help from this addiction.

If I Were in Charge

Recently, the great President of our Nation signed a law that would criminalize CYBERSEX in the Philippines.

Meanwhile, the RH Bill, an act which will grant access to safer means of reproduction to the people who need it the most but couldn't afford to, is still being filibustered mercilessly in the august halls of our senate.

I find this ridiculous. First, not only are we telling people that the government will not provide for them access to birth control methods, we're also telling them it's illegal for them to engage in A VIRTUAL SEXUAL ACT.

Is there a breeding program in place where our economic game plan is to reproduce as much as we can so we can export more laborers out of the country? Are we capitalizing on a diaspora so systematic that it will improve our economic rating? If so, then we are a nation run by geniuses. Otherwise, let me slap you with a bit of reality: We have too many mouths to feed, and too little money going around to buy enough food. The problem is as simple as that.

Population density is not the issue here. Some people argue that overpopulation is not the problem, but that too many people are crowding in too small a space to support them. The problem is that there's too little opportunity outside of Manila for families to make a living, YET THEY CONTINUE TO BUILD FAMILIES.

For argument's sake, the best solution to this is to EXPAND THE CENTER. Create a STRONG AND WILLFUL Metro Manila Development BOARD-- a body not just with police powers, but the responsibility to develop the center through strategic governance (a blueprint that Mayors will adhere to; i.e. a law that criminalizes taking PERSONAL CREDIT for GOVERNMENT FUNDED PROJECTS) is the first step. With a strong EXECUTIVE OFFICE in charge of running Metro Manila, we then develop nearby municipalities to create a MUCH LARGER CENTER OF COMMERCE, AND INDUSTRY. We need a CENTER big enough to sustain the population we already have, AND TO ACCOMMODATE THE POPULATION GROWTH FOR THE UPCOMING YEARS.

Crucial to this 'expanded center' is an EFFICIENT TRANSPORT SYSTEM. Without an efficient transport system, the expanded center will only rot from the fringes. Slowly, those at the edge will get cut off. We need more trains, and a BUS SYSTEM THAT WORKS. We need to make the very hard decision of letting the Jeepneys go. It's time we free the major thorough fares from these outdated, slow-moving tin cans. Clean up the bus system so that they don't race along the highways, so that the safety of pedestrians is assured. We need to have an efficient transport system that would help a CREATIVE DIRECTOR FROM RIZAL commute to work in MAKATI in less than an hour, for a SMALL BUSINESS OWNER IN PARANAQUE to make a delivery of cupcakes in TONDO, for a UNIVERSITY STUDENT IN MALABON to reach school in DILIMAN without the travel taking too much of his energy.

Whatever law our statesmen will promulgate to enact these changes is welcome. The first step they're taking is the RH BILL. It's good, it's much needed, but sadly, its critics are correct in one thing (and ONLY IN THIS ONE THING) that the RH BILL IS NOT A SOLUTION. It's a remedy to one of the issues, but it's no miracle cure.

Totally unnecessary is this law that our great President has just wasted our time on. Criminalizing CYBERSEX? Really?

1.) What business is it of the STATE if its citizen engages in virtual sex? Should we really SPEND OUR RESOURCES on the prevention of its commission?

2.) How can we define CYBERSEX? Let's say, I went online, and engaged in publicly broadcasting myself. One of my viewers started masturbating while I talk to the camera about how my day went. Will I be RESPONSIBLE for the act then? What if I like masturbating to cartoon dinosaurs on Youtube? What if TWO LAWFULLY WEDDED INDIVIDUALS engage in cybersex as a HEALTHY WAY to create a time of intimacy while one of them works in Dubai while the other stays in the Philippines to take care of their children? What if we are talking about TWO MALES IN A HEALTHY, MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS LASTED FOR 20 YEARS? What then, do we criminalize them too?

More SINISTER is the "cyberlibel" clause. IT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF THE STATE OPPRESSING THE PEOPLE'S FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION. This couldn't have come at a much shadier time than RIGHT AFTER SENATOR SOTTO'S CLAIM OF BEING CYBERBULLIED.

Basically, THE STATE IS TELLING US "You can't criticize the government unless you have THE COURT TO PROVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO." The STATE doesn't want you to call Senator Sotto "stupid" unless you can drag experts in court to testify in support of your claim: psychologists who have tested him, his former teachers, etc. The very definition of "stupid" will be questioned, it will be contextualized.

THE STATE is telling us "You cannot accuse US of enacting legislation that grant favors to foreign investors over local ventures" unless you can prove in court that it is granting concessions to Malaysian mining companies to rape our natural resources and displace indigenous people "in co-operation with Filipinos".

THE STATE wants you to STOP FROWNING ON BLAIR CARABUENA'S BEHAVIOR, STOP RALLYING FOR SM TO STOP PAVING OUR RAINFORESTS, STOP DEMANDING FOR YOUR RIGHTS ONLINE, STOP SPREADING INFORMATION THAT OTHERS NEED.

With ONE SINGLE SIGNATURE, President Aquino has UNDONE ALL THE GREAT THINGS WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WITH SOCIAL MEDIA.

The Secret to Happiness

The secret to happiness is simple: you will be happy only as much as you want others to be happy. In finding happiness for others, so do you appreciate your life.What you have now, and what you can have. Forget what you want to have, and instead think of what you may have if you set your eyes on it, and works toward attaining it.

The most important lesson here is this: that you will be always be as miserable as you want others to be miserable. The more you wish for unhappiness to come to others, the more unhappy you will be. This isn't some cosmic shit, but basic cause-and-effect. Think about it: You can NOT cause another person to be unhappy. You may be the cause of MISFORTUNE for others, you may cause them harm. But you have NO CONTROL to how they will feel about it. Most probably, they will carry on with grace and unswerving faith and resilience. That will only frustrate you even more. In wishing misery for others, you only set out to disappoint yourself.